new phone, a sony xperia arc and omg the phone is scarily controlling my life i swear

In other news, today is convocation day and from what I know, a lot of my friends are there...I cant be arsed to go, level 2 was a waste of my fucking time.

It's been a horrible week so far. My best friend passed out yesterday after vomitting blood, got rushed to hospital and is now waiting for blood transfusion, its all complications from her medical condition; aplastic anaemia. It's shitty that I can't do anything about it but I really wish nothing happens to her. She's only 21 and she has a full life ahead of her, massively talented girl and it'd be a fucking shame if the World loses someone like her.

Which makes me wonder why is it that the people who deserve to live are all disappearing one by one and the people that you wish were dead just keeps increasing? Sometimes it makes you wonder if Earth is actually hell, f you're actually living your afterlife of punishment over here.

SIFF starts this week, the booklets are out, everything is all the rage and it's pissing the shit out of me. Yes I'm sour. I admit. Everyone is in there except me. I'm still a fucking nobody and I can't stand it. Please for fucks sake stop talking about the SIFF and posting pictures of your name in the booklet because I dont give a fuck.

And the worst part is I can't run away from it because a lot of the events are taking place in my school. Fuck this shit.

Also, can I finally make a film the way I want it to? Without any external influences telling me how it should be made or people questioning me over every little fucking thing? I know what I am doing, I don't need to answer your questions. I know how to make a good film so shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

And now with my friend down, I don't even know if we can make Purgatory because she's supposed to be producing it. Seriously, fuck this month.

Its been an obscenely long time since I posted here. I feel bad simply because this blog was my only avenue to really express how I felt and because I've been busy and actually forgot my password, I kind of neglected it. I mean compared to the past few years, I've been generally happier and things have been looking up. I've managed to achieve some new and cool things and I'm proud of myself for that. For starters, I have created an online CV instead of the conventional PDF everyone else makes. http://sivarajpragasm.tumblr.com/ I'm still in the midst of constructing it of course, I want to make it simple yet informative and able to provide as much details as possible of what I've done so far. I think its relevant in the field I'm in where portfolio matters and it only makes sense to have a CV where you can actually view the works I've made. I am done with school and I'm graduating with 1st Class Honours! Not bad for someone who hated studying and was stuck in the Normal Academic batch in Secondary school. Not just 1st Class Honours but I was also a recipient of the LASALLE Future Leader Scholarship as well. So yeah, a scholar hahaha. My thesis film, Flutter recieved a lot of mixed reviews, people either loved it or had no idea what was going on. I guess I can't please everyone, to me it was a challenge in experimentation, after all I was doing a 1 character silent film and I had the balls to do it at least. Today is a pretty so-so day because I'm stuck in the midst of reservist (off day today). The good thing about this cycle is I'm working in a 1 day on, 2 day off system so that means out of the 17 days, I only spend 5 days doing duty and the other 2 days of training which I just completed. I just hope time flies so I can get this shit over and done with and resume with my life. I really really want to get a downgrade of my PES Status so I don't have to go through this bullshit again. Speaking of bullshit, I hear that I may be charged because I defaulted on my RT. Well fuck you MINDEF. I signed up for IPT and I was forced to do it while enduring the toughest semester in school and only managed to finish 5 sessions. Then when my window ended in May (I graduate in mid June and my birthday is in August), you all ask me to sign up for 20 session RT. That is fine, then you all call me up for ICT right smack in the middle of this 1 months plus window, so how the fuck am I supposed to sign up for RT, especially since I have to go for sessions 3 times a week at a time when I'm done with school and I'm trying my best to look for a job so I can recoup the losses I made over the past few productions? You think my life revolves around you and your stupid policies? Actually, you really think I give a shit about this country? Fuck that. Anyway to happier news, principal photography for Purgatory is done and right now we are in the post-production stage. It was a pretty good shoot and I was blessed with great actors and a pretty solid crew. I have yet to see the first cut but I hope that this film can be something huge. I mean Flutter was good but it was experimental and only appealed to a niche audience. This one is a bit more mainstream and I'm sure more people will enjoy it. It will of course be a dream come true if I can have both films travelling the International Film Festival circuit. I have already set Berlin as my objective and I really really hope I can meet it. Its about time I have a film I can showcase to the World and be proud of and let people know of my existence as a serious filmmaker.