3 consecutive days of drinking and partying and whatever.

And I also learnt, from 2 different people within the same day that "i'm not a very nice guy".

Yesterday I was so tired after all the lack of sleep, pre-production work and dont know what else I fell asleep at Farrell's place lol. I also avoided the major drinking sessions and opted to just stone one corner with whiskey in hand, taking my own sweet time.

I fell slightly ill and decided to postpone the production meeting to Tuesday instead, that would also give me more time to prepare the documents so I dont end up wasting everyone else's time.

I was pretty impressed with Nadia, the girl whos gonna play Alice. She had the intensity I was looking for though she tends to overact, but thats because shes from a theater background so her style is more expressionist. I had a chat with her over the phone and she seemed really excited to do this because she was tired of all the superficial shit on TV and other films she worked on.

6 more days to the shoot and there's still some ironing out to do. I should be getting the money this week and hopefully I dont burst the budget. I have to remember the deadlines for the film festival submissions.

This is my chance to start the new year with a bang and make my mark somewhere.

Even if it means I have to be labelled a workaholic.

my friends think i'm a workaholic i dont know if thats good or bad

the SPF shoot is done now its time to fully concentrate on pre-production for the banyan tree. Did recce just now and i managed to get most of the locations settled. Bidadari Cemetary is a beautiful place. I hope they dont start clearing the land soon, at least not before my shoot.

Now need to find the victims and the policeman. Do shot breakdown so can do callsheet

auditions on saturday

damn christmas is coming and i havent done anything, not even in the mood sia

wah i fucking cant stand it when people try to tell me how to do my own job

its very sad, nobody gives a shit about the soundman.

christmas is coming soon and i havent bought anything yet.

i need to find an audition venue as well as settle the art dept for my film

i must constantly remind myself never to be gullible

i need to learn how to relax

I'm a fucking misogynist for a reason. I hate females just as much as I hate cats.

Had the first production meeting today together with Sue and Mildie and we had a wide range of pre-production related stuff we had to discuss. So now I need to look at a budget of about $400 and that includes equipment rental (sticking to the basics for that), food and other production allowances and I need to minimise expenditure for art. So we are basically going all guerilla and indie here by improvising a lot of things.

The setback last night was just a mere reminder to me that I should not ever question my own ability even if others think I'm being unreasonable. If I have a goal, I have to go ahead and achieve it regardless of what I could possibly stand to lose (or gain).

I just hope my crew will remain with me throughout and I am trying my best to ensure that everything goes smooth. Now need to source for transport and try to look for more jobs to cover up for the shortfall in cash.

Mabelyn was pretty interested to know what my story was about and I e-mailed her, wonder what her reply will be haha.

Got work tomorrow, saturday, monday and tuesday for this production company as soundman that should pay me another $320 which I will probably use for this film anyway.

Welcome to the harsh realities of life.

Maybe R was right after all...

I should have seen this coming.

Wah my match fitness is shit, i finally made my return to soccer after 2 months by playing in a friendly match at RP on Monday night and of all things, had to miss a clear cut chance. Then the very next day, played futsal at the ECP cage.

Sometimes I find it hard to communicate my thoughts across which is ironic because I was once a communications student and me of all people should know this better. Its pre-production hell for Banyan Tree but I'm very surprised at the response I'm getting for the lead role, I'm getting people who have plenty of acting experience and even foreigners with impressive CV willing to work for free because for some reason, they love the storyline and find it interesting.

I'm starting to talk less about this project because apparently it irritates people so I'll just post my thoughts here. It's intimidating working on such an arrangement because the budget is so tight and we are working with outsiders. There is a very high chance that the whole thing might just screw up. I just hope I dont get let down.

last week was one of the most tiring weeks of my life. 5 day shoot and I had to wake up at about 4+ each day since the crew calltime was 6am...at jurong west!

Then it decided not to rain the whole week and instead, in its place, was the scorching sun. Due to it being mostly outdoor shoots, i got sunburnt and grew abt 6 shades darker.

But Saturday was one hell of a way to end off the week. Awake for 30 hours, after work I went home to change and then headed out to Harbourfront and together with my friends, finished 2 one-litre bottles of JD and Chivas. I didnt drink as much as the rest as I was already tired and high as a kite so I knew my limit and decided to stop.

Zoukout was awesome! And fucking funny as hell when it suddenly felt like Little India. Armin's set was great hahaha fucking stoned now.

Now comes the pre-production nightmare for Banyan Tree

cheebai just now i go foodcourt to buy lunch then i went to one of those mix vegetable rice or whatever the fuck its called, the type you pick out your own ingredients.

so i ordered some stuff then i told the fucker i want the cockles then he look at me and ask me "you sure you want or not?". I said yeah then he said "its $1.50 you sure can or not?" I said yah la then i order for fuck?

CHEEBAI HE LOOK DOWN ON ME AH. I KNOW I NOT VERY RICH BUT I THINK I CAN STILL AFFORD YOUR FUCKING $1.50 PIECE OF SHIT RIGHT? CHEEBAI FUCKER

I spent last night discovering new music, something I havent done in ages. Late night means good trance and house music and I managed to chance upon stuff by Andy Duguid, John O Callaghan and this 15yr old producer called Jonathan Martin. Really kick ass stuff.

HOLY SHIT I DIDNT KNOW THERE WERE ENTIRE PODCAST EPISODES OF A STATE OF TRANCE ON YOUTUBE!?! =DDDDDD

tiring day balls, went to NTU for production meeting, met with the DoP and Producer then went to wilkie to get abused and then play L4D2 for 4 hours.

Tired like dog

are you fucking kidding me? The producer for the NTU shoot told me that they will be shooting their film with an external audio recording device. That's pretty alien to me because all along I've been using devices that still require connection to the camera, hence using the camera's timecode. So i enquired what device they are using.

A Zoom H4N

Okay when I saw Zoom, i suddenly had a weird feeling because Zoom deals with music recording devices. So I decided to do a google search on the device and voilah!

http://www.zoom.co.jp/english/products/h4n/

it IS a music recording device. How the heck is it possible to record a film, using a SD card enabled music recording device?? Its just wrong. And although it does have the functions that enable it to record sound for film, it has 2 inbuilt mics, and 2 more XLR ports for external mics. Sounds fine right?

Now what it doesnt state is whether you are able to disable the internal mics while recording the external ones. If there is an onboard mixer its okay, otherwise I face the bleak possibility of recording way too much ambient noise for the productions' good.

I need to bring this up to them tomorrow. I'd rather they cut a bit of my pay and go rent proper audio equipment than to risk it like this. Furthermore I've never used this device before.

I need to readjust my body clock....at least try...

i cant go on like this, it feels like i'm constantly shooting myself in the foot.


okay i'm booked from the 8th to 12th for a shoot by NTU students and I'm gonna be running sound. Paid assignment so thats pretty good news.

I cant wait for zoukout.

I need to start working on my next solo project. Its very complex i need to start planning ahead, now my biggest headache is where am i gonna find the young jonny syntax,

fuck wednesday must travel all the way to NTU knncbcbcbcb

I'm so fucking bored at home its not funny

I need to find work, i chanced upon an ad by some NTU students looking for a soundman for a 5 day shoot and decided to apply

Yesterday was my assessment and to be honest, I was a little intimidated by the setup. 3 lecturers sitting in a panel and I had to face them and surprisingly enough, i had 80% praises and 20% criticisms from the most critical person in the school.

I pretty much got screwed for the directing exercise which i felt wasnt that good either. But he gave me some really good comments about my solo project (Staring Into The Sun_) and based on the feedback by the lecturers, he said i have a very good eye for detail, the structure and intensity was good and a lot of other stuff HOWEVER, the emotional aspect was lacking. I guess thats why I just hate acting. let alone in my own film lol.

Then the best part was when he was talking about my grades. First he said my grades were fine, then he said they were excellent, then he said i topped my batch HAHAHA WTF.

And then they went thru my research journal thingy and deduced that I will never be a producer. Herman then asked me where do i see myself going, and to that I said i'm still trying to decide between sound design, cinematography and directing and he asked me to take my time to discover and to also help out with the seniors for their projects.

It was a pretty good, laidback session haha but wtf i topped my batch???! Oh and Herman told me not to let my head swell up. I just hope that wont happen either.

One down, 5 more to go.

I had this weird incident happen to me a few days ago.

I had just finished lunch outside school and was walking back to my building while messaging my friend on my phone when this random guy suddenly called out to me. There were some other people walking around as well so I was wondering why me.

Then he suddenly started smiling as he walked towards me and said "sir, you're very lucky you know" so obviously i wanted to know why i was supposedly very lucky even though i rarely experience good luck and he went on to say that I have 3 lines on my forehead which generally is supposed to mean that I am quite blessed.

Okay so he went on about how the past 3 years of my life was quite bad but apparently, after december 2009 onwards up to end 2010, i will enjoy a so-called golden period. Okay fine, then he took out a blue piece of paper and scribbled something on it, then he crumpled it and gave it to me and asked me to hold it in my hand. Okay so i did just that then he proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions.

First he asked me to name him a random flower. Initially I wanted to pick carnation but then i thought, nevermind i'll pick Tulip. Then he asked me for a number from 1 to 9. I chose 3. Then he asked me for my age, i said 25. Then he told me that if whatever I just answered, tallies with whatever he wrote down in the piece of paper in my hand, then whatever he said abt my life becoming better next month is true, otherwise i have to wait til im abt 30-50. So he asked me to take the piece of paper and open it up.

FUCKING HELL IS WAS TULIP, 3 AND 25!

Okay so he also said that I have one bad habit. I tend to be too frank and tell people off and some people cant handle it. He asked me to cut it down a little and he also said that apparently I will end up with a very nice girl soon, and apparently my luck will get better after i'm with her. Thats the part i find really bullshit, normally when I end up with girls, my life only gets worse lol

the holidays are finally here!! oh man what an intense term this has been and yesterday i played L4D for 4 hours haha wtf

Yesterday was the final screening of the semester and they showed Abraham's film and I was involved in it as both art director and sound designer. The lecturer thought the sound design job was awesome and so I know I did a pretty good job after all. That film has to go into my portfolio for sure.

In the morning we watched this film by Peter Bogdanovich called St. Jack that was filmed entirely in Singapore in the late 70s. Oh my god the nostalgia hahaha and its a fucking funny movie, first time you hear hokkien curses in a Hollywood movie lol.

Time to relief all that stress and now all thats left is our assessment and its freedommmm.

IM DONE WITH MY ASSIGNMENTS!!!

Now left assessment on the 24th and its holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

oh my god i need to find a job or something im fucking broke.

listen to trance music late at night fucking shiok balls

The semester is gonna end soon. Just left with 2 more days of lessons and then theres assessment on the 24th and its overrrr

I am fucking stressed out, burnt out and pissed off. I had a 2100 word essay wiped out cos of some cheebai error and i spent the next 3 hours rewriting the whole thing to 2850 words.

I will have to spend the holidays doing something meaningful to keep the momentum going but also not forget to relax. So lets see i've got...

Joy's film as art director
video art installation project

need to record sound samples for my next short film. I'm too tired now to talk about that but maybe i should eventually write down my ideas so i wont forget.

The year is going to end soon damn it just means i'm going to get even older.

omg i totally forgot until i had a blog. I been wayy too fucking busy with school and i never had the time to do anything remotely relaxing. Although i still have assignments due now i decided that today will be a rest day.

anyway its quite hard to sum up the past 10 weeks into this page but a lot has happened and i am currently finishing post-production for my new short-film "Staring Into The Sun_".

We had to make a short film based on the theme of an autobiography. I'm not really a fan of non-fiction so i didnt quite like the theme but then I thought, why not marry non-fiction narrative with art cinema. Hence, i decided to create a story that contains a series of re-enactments from my last relationship to show how it deteoriated over time, while the voiceover talks about humans' fascination with staring into the sun. How it always looks so beautiful initially and then as you continue staring at it, first tears start rolling down and if you still remain persistent, you may just face the possibility of going blind.

I also added another layer into the story by explaining how the relationship affected me, how i turned into a self-abusive person.

We did the shoot last weekend and I had the biggest crew in class, about 8 of us and initially I was quite worried as to how i could handle them but later it seemed to be a breeze working with them. Very professional and productive and i'm sure they all enjoyed the shoot too. It was very draining not only cos of the long hours but also my habit of constantly thinking. I am always thinking. Sometimes it irritates me.

I've also clocked about 32 hours of editing time so far and i'm still left with credits, sound design and some touching up. It's a pretty experimental film. There were lots of improvised lighting, experimental camera angles and movements and even the editing. Taking into consideration this is the first time in my life im using final cut pro. I think i've done a pretty decent job so far. My only grouse was that since i was required to act in it, and we did not get proper lights or monitors, most of the shots werent what i had in mind. But even so, im pleased that the cameraguy managed to understand what i was saying and so theres a bit of salvation there.

The whole thing was shot in HD on a Canon XLH1 camera.

I am both nervous yet looking forward to this. Not only because people will finally get to see what i am capable off but also to get the whole incident out of my system.

I made a little teaser http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC2lxS8n3ck and i will probably make a proper trailer tomorow.

shit long time never update.

okay in pointform

i drove my friend's car at 140km/h on the TPE and it was awesome

i am doing stupid things again

im now on part time contract and its harder to work from home, all that distractions

im having like chronic dried lips and its irritating me

school is starting soon

my laptop got some virus and i had to reformat it

ok thats all i remmeber for now

The Straight Times

my new project haha

its been 52 hours since the surgery and it still hurts like a bitch. The painkillers like no use sia

and it's been 53 hours without smoking, that's a new record in a while heh

and omg i'm eating nothing but porridge and baby food all the way argghhh

holy mother of fuck i just extracted my wisdom tooth

initially i thought it was just a 15 min surgery but after the x-ray, i saw for myself how close the thing was to my jawbone (<1mm)>

now half my face is numb and the dentist said that since it was in such close proximity to my nerves, theres a chance my right jaw will feel numb for a few mths but will eventually heal.

FML.

okay but at least i got a 5 day MC for all that trouble

EFL Assessment Period

Team	P	W	D	L	GD	PTS
Happy Feet	15	10	3	2	18	33
Schwarz Star	14	8	3	3	9	27
Questra Vipers	12	7	3	2	18	24
Team Orange	14	7	3	4	5	24
FC Evolution	12	6	1	5	7	19
Hibernians United	14	6	1	7	-8	19
Rebels United	14	3	2	9	-10	11
Maoist	11	3	1	7	-10	10
Newton Heath	12	2	1	9	-15	7
Tampines Youngster	9	2	1	6	-15	7
ISCOS	3	1	1	1	1	4

Full Table
Accurate As Of 18 June 2009, 2128h

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lOYtQ187K4

can see the goal i scored as well as that shot that hit the bar.

I dont believe in subservience and I think the key to enjoying a fulfilling life is to practise resistance. Once you start doing as you're told, you have effectively given your will to live to someone else.

lady gaga was cold but that wasnt as bad as her manager or whoever the fuck he is, kuai lan motherfucker.

anyway as much as she hates to accept reality, i think she will just end up as another has-been. It's very hard to survive long like Madonna or Kylie Minogue, they reinvent themselves to keep them relevant. Gaga on the other hand, thinks too highly of herself and people will eventuallyhave enough of that

i am fucking irritated with the fact that i had to play as a centerback again, for a full 40 mins while i watch from behind, our team screwing up chances after chances.

wtf is the logic of playing me as a centerback when we are tied 2-2 and there are still opportunities to win the game.

bloody irritating.

and i'm dreading going back to work again, stupid monday blues but at least theres the interview with lady gaga which should be interesting. Hope she does a striptease or something while at it so i wont be so bored.

I'll be interviewing Lady Gaga next Monday HAHAHAHAHA

i made a new year's resolution this year. I told myself that i will be nicer to people.

I think i'm gonna break it.

I'm starting to get irritated over the smallest things, i realised there are too many irritating people around me and i dont know if i should rid myself off them or not.

Its also not helping that im running out of money and i desperately need another job on top of this.

Blahhhhh

woah it was a not bad weekend.

the match, well i thought my performance was quite fucked up, yes i scored a goal but i missed 3 sitters and that's really irritating.

Was on my way home when N suddenly called me up and told me she was bored and hungry and since we were supposed to meet the day before, i thought i might as well hang out with her and have dinner at compass point before going out to siglap.

Today something weird happened though, was on my way for training when i suddenly got an sms from a girl thinking i was Jay. So i told her i'm not and she continued the conversation and its funny that we are the same race, half indian half sinhalese but shes a year older than me and she was talking abt something to do with fate. Fuck it i think she already knows who i am but just too shy to admit and so she decides to do a charade but whatever i'll just play along.

Monday blues can feel it already sian..

cant wait for the next issue of Navigator to come out hopefully by Wednesday..

ok i've decided....i will let my hair grow, trim and layer it occasionally then by the end of the year, go bangkok and get hair extensions and then do dreadlocks!!

some stupid mothercheebai fuck face complained to my boss that i was rude and offended him?

eh you stupid fuckface i wasted 5 weeks chasing you to send me a simple soft-copy of a distribution list.....if that is so fucking time consuming and too hard to do, i suggest u fold ur company and migrate to botswana and go fuck yourself.

chao cheebai simple thing u cant do still want to fucking kuai lan ah. if you cant understand simple english please fucking go back to china dont come here and piss me off seriously stupid fuck

why is it that all these events, bands and all that shit must only come when i'm fucking broke? sigh

I FINALLY BROKE THE FUCKING GOAL DROUGHT AND WHAT A WAY TO DO IT!

I created a goal and then scored the winning goal. I practically ran at full speed for abt 50 meters towards the goalkeeper who was collecting a stray ball and i knew he was pressured so i just flicked the ball away from him and he came in, studs first straight into my shin. Penalty! I let my team mate take it cos i was in pain and he scored the equaliser. It was 1-0 before that.

Then in the 2nd half i scored what was probably the goal of the season. Our team had strung at least 8 passes before a first time cross towards me and since it was quite far ahead of me, i practically slid in a first time volley right to the bottom corner

cheebai happy like fuck

we won 2-1 and my right shin is swollen like a bitch

okay i'm sure this is one scenario that doesnt happen to everyone but i'm absolutely mortified.

my niece who is all of 20 years old is 7 months pregnant like WHAT THE FUCK???

and just before she could confirm with me, i assumed it had to be some mat and true enough it was, and then he left

ahhhh stupidity runs in my bloodline too fuck

TuneWidget

woah Cosmic Gate's Earth Mover album is good shit. Absolutely love the track "Guess Who?". Its damn simple yet the beats just sound so good.

Oh and its mid-week like so slow yet so fast i am officially just 2 months away from the end of my contract.

8 tracks done 3 more to go if i can keep up this momentum i should be able to churn out another track by the end of the month. Still pondering if i should do a digital release or not. Will be good if i can get a German label but problem is i dont even know if my stuff is good enough or not.

Will be good if it is.

I'm starting to turn into a serious misogynist and it's starting to scare even me. I wonder whats with that also....maybe singlehood getting to me haha

i hate feeling unproductive. its already 115pm and ijust cant seem to get any work done.

this month im on a financial nightmare, my bank account is dryer than an old lady on menopause

i dont know how im gonna survive the next 20 days

i have to be honest here, the worldwide festival was a flop.

other than the music, everything was pretty shitty. Overpriced entry, overpriced food and drinks, PATHETIC crowd, overwhelming number of SPGs etc. Majority of the people who came down were foreigners and the few local faces you see, were all accompanied by ang mohs anyway.

I stayed there to cover the event til 7+ before fianlly reaching home at 9. Thank god no work tomorow so i can still try to rest and recover. It also didnt help that i went to the event with boring people who had to leave so soon. At the end of the day you cant have much fun when it's only 2 or 3 people. These kinda events you'd rather have more than 6 or so. NEVER EVER going for any such events with colleagues ever again.

Having said that, i found a purse containing abt 80 sgd, some qatar currency, identification card, credit cards and other shit and opted to return it to the sentosa management

what a waste.

wah i been busy like dog covering the worldwide festival and honestly i find it a little disappointing.

the only highlight the past 2 days was probably kentaro's set last night at zirca. even the crowd turnout was quite pathetic. im sure they are losing a lot of money on this.

well on the bright side, issue 18 of navigator has been sent for print so its officially my first issue as editor and it will be out next friday heh.

later going siloso to cover the beach party for the worldwide fest and even though deep down i know its gonna be boring, i have no choice but to go and take pics and make my media pass more useful

oh well...

we beat the fat white buffaloes 5-4

actually it was 5-2, then they scored 2 during the extended injury time

actually it could have been 6-4 had my goal (which was a brilliant looping header) not be disallowed for offside

actually i could have scored one more had my long range bicycle kick didnt swerve just off the post

i think i played really well yesterday, creating 2 goals and hassling their defenders non-stop. What a pity i couldnt score though.

and to top it off, i have a bruise on my shin and my left knee hurts and my boots are torn. now i have no boots i dont know where im gonna get a new pair of size 13s with no money.

ok today i saw an ang moh guy peeing into the singapore river

then some argentinian dude started talking to me telling me how singapore doesnt appreciate talent then he proceeded to drop his i-phone into the river

and beerfest i drank...

Archipelago Wheat

Chang Beer

Singha Beer

Erdinger Dark

Stella Artois (again)

Magner Irish Cider

Hoegaarden

more to come on Sunday :D

wah its the end of the week again!

well its a well deserved break for me, for this long weekend because i was getting bored of work. My boss is scaring me with her obsession with having me remain as editor for Navigator after my term runs out but that one is really dependent on my time-table. Of course it would be good not only for my portfolio but also, i get some money while i'm studying but i know film school schedule is hectic as hell. Well the worst case scenario is i dont get a social life at all....which is sad.

beerfest!

I went on wednesday's opening, was surprised to see 2 of my friends working there and even more surprised to bump into, of all people, my bosses.

ok lets see, i got free tickets on wednesday, today and sunday. I think i shall create like a list of beers i had while i was there, to build up the list of beers i have already conquered hahaha

Wednesday:

San Miguel, Pure Blonde and Stella Artois

but this was only on a budget of $10. Today i'm going with 40 :D

yesterday i got bothered by 2 different pet peeves.

Firstly, i dont know what the fuck was wrong with bus number 10 yesterday. Did they have some kind of embargo on the service or did 5 buses get into accidents or whatever? not once but twice, at 2 different times, i had to wait almost half an hour for the fucking bus to come. It was scarier at night cos i had to take 10 to tampines so i could take the last bus for 27 back to sengkang. Thank god the last bus 27 came slightly later than the scheduled time.

2nd pet peeve was the fucking SPGs. I was at cafe del mar, its a nice place very chillout with awesome music and even though i didnt know most of the people there, they were still quite friendly so it wasnt so bad but the hell it was like the navy parade. All these fucking US Navy people came down and you can see all the local fucks swarming to them like flies to rubbish. It just disgusts me seriously.

wah this week tiring like dog. had to write like 30 articles can die man

since theres no match this week i shud be going to cafe del mar later with colleagues, been a long time since i last went there and besides i need to chill out. only problem is now im broke like fuck hope i can borrow some from my mum or something. whatever it is, beats staying home and doing nothing.

i made friends with some china woman who smokes near my office building i was quite amazed that she speaks english like a singaporean, shes 30 though and its even funnier when she calls me braatheeeeeeerrrrrrrrr lol

and i actually look pretty decent in anwar's short film so i know i can act haha

wah i ate a total of 5 KFC chickens today

I havent worked out in 5 months im losing all my muscle mass and becoming skinny again, this is not good. I need to start a regime every morning before i go to work, at least to gain back the mass again so i can look hot again hahaha

shit its only the 18th and i'm starting to be broke already

the other day i was at alliance francaise since i was the official photographer for some french festival concert and of course there were all these guests coming in and i dont even know who they are.

then i saw this chick dressed in black, she probably looked around my age and damn shes pretty. Later i find out shes actually Iranian. damn these middle east people all damn good looking.

yesterday i had to do to the patron of the heritage awards with my boss's $3k camera to snap snap. bloody hell i felt so inferior there, the whole place filled with ministers and other random big fucks i go there like one small kid like that.

this high life thing is definitely so not my scene, im too down to earth for this shit.

woah i've watched 4 movies in the space of 7 days.

Notorious, Gran Torino, Fast and Furious 4 and Taken.

With the exception of FF4, the rest were pretty damn solid movies. Worth every cent.

But the best part is, i got to see the gala premiere of Taken and I didnt expect this but the director himself, Pierre Morrel was there. First time I'm actually seeing a director who is not local how cool is that? The movie is excellent and i realised directors, not just him but many others have this weird eccentric thing going on in terms of dressing and style and somehow I feel like i'll probably end up like that as well.

Whatever it is, I definitely want to make kick ass movies :D

360 minutes (6 hours) of competitive football without scoring a single goal.

Im totally off focus i dont know what the fuck is wrong also.

another 0-0 draw means we are just going to slide down the table.

back to work tomorow and i'm not even feeling well

fucked up

im doing a good job so far laying off alcohol

my money is also burning away fast

damn im gonna be fucked

on a side note, I've watched 2 great movies this week. Notorious and Gran Torino. Good stuff.

April 7, 2009 Matches No Comments 

Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
Happy Feet	9	6	1	2	26	18	8	19
Schwarz Star	8	4	2	2	14	9	5	14
FC Evolution	6	3	1	2	16	12	4	10
Hibernians United	8	3	1	4	20	23	-3	10
Team Orange	7	3	1	3	14	18	-4	10
Rebels United	6	3	0	3	16	14	2	9
Questra Vipers	5	2	2	1	14	8	6	8
Maoist	5	2	0	3	11	15	-4	6
ISCOS	3	1	1	1	5	4	1	4
Tampines Youngster	6	1	1	4	10	19	-9	4
Newton Heath	3	0	0	3	4	10	-6	0

going down?

i watched Notorious today and even though i was never into the whole hip hop rap thing, i still think it was an awesome movie.

Just now i was thinking about my ex, not thinking as in missing but thinking about how the past 3 years have been. How when i was in NS and we were messaging each other every other day, how we would meet up while i was clearing leave and she was in her JC uniform after school and smoke. At that time she hadnt started smoking yet. How things were always so rosy and interesting, the so-called honeymoon period. Those days when i was really happy and we had all these cutesy couple shit going on.

And how over the months things started to get a bit more tense due to our frequent clashes, in personality.

Post-breakup, i still think it was both good and bad. Good in the sense that i feel more liberated and relaxed now but bad because i lost someone i knew. We deleted each other off MSN and Facebook not too long ago and even though we have a lot of mutual friends, the chances of us bumping into each other is pretty high. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing.

Of course i embrace singlehood and the freedom and all but deep down I just wished it wouldnt have ended up like this, from love to hatred.

Maybe thats how life rolls.

I realised the frequency in which i'm blogging is getting really low. Guess thats how busy i am. Im so busy the weeks just seem to be passing by faster and faster. Its good because it means i'm getting closer to going back to school but bad because im getting older.

After april fools, i learnt that about 18 people are convinced that I am gay. 15 of them girls. I'm sure that now explains why most of the girls i know are only willing to call me a friend or bro....now i know why im the aunt agony. I'm nowhere near boyfriend material and i dont even know why. 

I know i am very picky and fussy when it comes to girls and i set very high standards but i dont understand why it is a bad thing. I mean i rather be with someone i really like than to just end up with one random girl and regret later. Of course the flipside to this is, the kind of girls i usually like dont reciprocate. So therefore i'm stuck in a catch 22 situation which is a little annoying.

Nevermind, i have a match later on an astro-turf field. I still have a record for scoring in every match i play on an astroturf field so i hope this cycle continues later.

Work is fun but sometimes it gets a bit irritating when i have to do other peoples work for them but nevermind, 3 more months to go.

Oh and i bumped into Mark who proceeded to tell me that there is such a thing as copyright protection and royalties to be paid to artists via a government body called COMPASS. I heard of it but never knew they actually paid you...cool shit.

eh did 10000 people suddenly move into sengkang overnight yesterday?

fucking hell for the first time in 2 months i actually missed 2 LRT trains because both were packed to the brim.

then my return journey, for the first time i actually couldnt get a seat in the 80 and i didnt want to stand all the way to sengkang so i got off at kallang and took 62 instead and then there was actually a traffic jam along sengkang east drive....that road is almost always empty..wtf is going on??

well the only good thing that came out of it was the LRT lady was there this morning and she stood rright beside me then got one part the train jerk a bit so she accidentally touched me

:D 

this is very unhealthy

Behold......The new EssaiveE video

what the fuck is wrong with the fucking weather

the whole fucking week rain no rain but everytime without fail it has to rain (with fucking lightning) right when we are playing. 3rd fucking time already its starting to fucking annoy the fuck out of me.

and to make matters worse, while we were playing somehow after challenging for the ball midair someone's head hit my head near the right temple now my head hurts like a fucking bitch.

I use weekend soccer as a catharsis to relief stress from the bullshit for the whole week and now i cant even enjoy a decent game without the fucking weather pissing me off.

instead i start the week even more pissed off and injured.

i think ah Nine Inch Nails' The Slip is a pretty good album after listening to it a few times

oh and got match later good luck to me

best part? for once i dont need to travel....just a few bus stops only :)

i was rummaging thru my received folders and noticed a few old videos taken during the late 2006/early 2007 period during the pam era.

first thing i noticed was i used to look much cooler back then :(

i have been coughing the past few days and my wrist hurts

gahhhh

a lot of shit to do for navigator sian

i realised most Singaporean girls are too complex for their own good. No wonder local guys going for foreign girls.

But more importantly, i have just been offered the post of editor for Navigator magazine!

WOOOAHHHHHH????!!?!?

Would that make me one of the youngest editors in Singapore? and i dont even have a degree yet hahahaha

ok so im 3 hours away from a big match. But i dont know why i'm not feeling too confident about today.

Firstly, our first choice wingers and fullbacks arent available which means we are essentially playing against a team made up of school team players and players from ESPZEN league, with a half strength team.

Secondly i hate the fact that everytime they talk about scoring goals, they always point to me. I Fucking hate the pressure why the fuck of 11 players must i always be the one being asked to score. Sure i'm the lone striker but do you see Didier Drogba scoring every single goal for Chelsea? I hate working under pressure cos it irritates me and it makes things even more difficult

oh well see how it goes later.

also doesnt help that one of their player used to be my team mate/strike partner in temasek poly's school team.

office politics can be an amusing sight when you look from afar. I think most of my colleagues are starting to get a taste of what kind of a person I am. Especially the other day when i shot the fat ass down. But then again i absolutely HATE people who cut in when i am speaking. Its a fucking bad habit.

I'm just waiting for the last week of work before i finally unleash my true colors on him.

woah im so grateful the week is over man

and later im gonna meet my ex classmates for supper at upper serangoon. Hope its a more common occurence of Friday nights. Pity jamming got cancelled though.

I need to watch my spending, its getting out of hand but now that little ricky is leaving i think i should be having the entire pack for myself. I still feel a little bad though for telling him off but no choice la.

anddd i hope jac is fine after that episode, honestly i dont know what it feels like and i know im a very horrible person to ask for advice cos im too realistic for my own good. oh well.

no league match this week so i can finally rest the freaking toe. Just hope i have a great weekend ahead.

and happy friday the 13th

oh and the league table as of today 13/1/2009

March 10, 2009 Matches No Comments 

Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
Schwarz Star	6	4	1	1	14	8	6	13
Happy Feet	7	4	1	2	19	16	3	13
Rebels United	6	3	0	3	16	14	2	9
FC Evolution	5	2	1	2	15	12	3	7
Hibernians United	6	2	1	3	15	16	-1	7
Maoist	5	2	0	3	11	15	-4	6
Team Orange	5	2	0	3	11	16	-5	6
ISCOS	3	1	1	1	5	4	1	4
Tampines Youngster	5	1	1	3	10	15	-5	4
Questra Vipers	2	0	2	0	4	4	0	2
Newton Heath	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

woah the swelling is gone but my toe still hurts. the right base of my palm is numb and discolored i think i been resting my hand on the sharp edge of the table its starting to damage the nerves. just hope its not carpal tunnel syndrome.

i kind of pissed off one of my bosses today when i shot him back straight to his face haha but what to do i have to defend my work what. confirm play politics already.

midweek midweek midweek cant wait for the weekends again wheee

wah lan eh my fucking toe pain like fuck. kena sliding tackle the fella's studs went straight to my foot. well at least we won the match 3-0 and we are officially on top of the table now so not so bad la.

i think this week or what im officially single for 4 months hwhahwha feels damn long sia.

oh and work is getting heavier and heavier now that people are leaving the company. sian balls.

i need 3 things right now. A good beer, a good smoke and a good fuck.

oh and the guys finally agreed that i sound like an ah beng. ok i wont deny it hahahahaha but i do have my classy moments hor

i love hanging out with my ex adv diploma classmates. They are bloody funny and very natural. By natural i mean there is totally no politics, everything is said out honestly and in a straightforward manner. Basically you can feel safe with them.

And standard always go home 5am hahahaha.

Its been a tiring week at work sia, can go totally nuts like that.

okay so i got rejected by shaw foundation. I'm probably not talented or "deserving" enough and i dont expect anything from lee foundation either. So that leaves me with the last straw option and that is to take a bank loan and slave away the subsequent years to pay it all away in the future.

this is just fucking awesome

i'm highly irritated with the fact that girls often use me as their emotional punching bag and they start telling me about their sob stories about how their boyfriends left them and they feel so this and that.

i mean come on la once or twice is enough dont fucking do it everyday it gets annoying. Do i look like a fucking aunt agony to you?

I only give free demo for a while after that you must start paying.

The most irritating part is they talk to me so much tell me their problems i listen and then hang out with them and endure the same bullshit then when they feel better they go find new boyfriend and totally not talk to me anymore

come on la what the fuck seriously.

I'm seriously going to stop playing aunt agony until i start getting sexual favours. tit for tat.

fuck the fucking fucked up weather.

first it had to piss me off by raining during our match, hence the match getting called off halfway

then i was supposed to meet my friend then it started pouring again she cancelled it

now im stuck at home on a saturday night in a supposedly precious weekend listening to some chick whine abt her ex bf

fuck this shit

and yesterday was the first time i went out with a chick who was close to my height

after wearing heels she was 179cm. first time in my life i didnt have to look down at a girl and i could walk straight instead of slouching haah

okay so i have 14 days to come up with $5.5k otherwise my application would be deemed void and i get pushed back another year

fuck this shit seriously i dont understand why unappreciative, undeserving fucks get to do whatever the hell they want just because their parents shit money and i cant

i believe i have more talent and ability than 3/4 of the morons in the school who still dont know what to do with their lives but somehow got in cos they had the money

fuck this

shiok we beat the league leaders, the unbeaten team so far in the league and we BEAT them 3-2

thanks to 2 goals by me hahahaha

wah i cant believe that volley could actually squeeze in between the keeper and near post

slumdoggggggggggggggg

next monday i need to take leave to settle admin matters with school

saturday big match against league leaders and i dont want to play as a fucking defender again

i found the perfect stress reliever (other than jerking off)

buddha bar, close eyes

heavenly shit

11am i go to La Salle for my interview - interviewer who is the main lecturer there arrives 25 mins later

1125am interview starts and he seems pretty smiley and chatty

1135am interview ends after my portfolio cd which i burnt cant be read in his com but he saw some of my other stuff

325pm i get a call by the La Salle admin saying I have been accepted into level 1 of the film course.

fucking fast balls.

la salle interview tomorrow....good luck to me

how the hell does everyone know about it and who constitutes everyone? thats what i want to know.

oh well it makes no big difference would it? lol

today's a truly life changing day.

i FINALLY passed my driving test hahahah got 14 points and a lot of close shaved but bottomline is I PASSED!

fucking happy the whole day man seriously it just feels like a huge load lifted off my chest.

Secondly, I had a long, nice, meaningful conversation with my parents. Something I havent had in ages. And all that with Tera sitting on my lap it was so different from the usual days when we were all doing our own things. My dad was sharing his life story, his childhood and his experiences in the Army and why he cant trust indians. 

I also somehow managed to find the courage to tell him that Pam and I are no longer together. He laughed it off (?) but of course I had to tell him the whole story and that now shes with some old australian dude. Then my mum started her SPG talk hahaha

I think this year is gonna be a very reflective one for me. I am starting to appreciate the people around me more and I hope this will change me to be a better person.

:)

i cannot neglect this blog, it was a catharsis for me during the worst periods of my life.

I realised something just now. I was flirting more with other girls while i was with Pam compared to now where i cant even be bothered at all. Now i know whats the issue. Theres nothing wrong with me, the problem lied with the fact that i HATE being suffocated and with the knowledge that someone was trying to henpeck me. Of course she didnt succeed but it made me determined more than ever to find a release. If i was such a natural flirt, I would have been on a rampage after we broke up but now its been 3 months and I havent really bothered doing anything.

Maybe i was rash the other day but i'm not apologetic at all. It was something i HAD to say, its just that it got blown out of proportion when someone else decided to step in and rile me up even further.

Thats settled for now but now I need to know what my priorities are. Of course its the film, the band, the work, everything I'm working on now, I know i'm still not ready for a relationship but I have lost the will and desire to bother looking.

At Rianne's party i met up with M again, and i realised (some may dispute it as i seemed semi-drunken then) but at my current level of sobriety, I can safely say i always had a thing for her, just that my general dislike towards white people is putting me off the whole thing. Maybe its just the fact that i find her hot, superficial stuff i know but I know we can carry a decent conversation. She seemed impressed (dont know sincere or not) when I talked to her about my job and of course, Amnesia which i want her to play a part in. But then again, I find that she is in a different league altogether, not saying im not good enough for her or what but I dont think she would understand or ever accept me.

So its best to remain single, no need to worry about these kinda shit hahaha

I also should start appreciating my friends and people who have been there for me more....i have this bad habit of overlooking things and this is not healthy. I need to cut this ego bullshit and try to be nicer to everyone else and stop thinking i'm some big fuck

unless its really necessary.