woah finally something good happened for the first time in like forever

3 goals hhehehehehh and finally we got to thrash a team....8-1 to be exact.

im just glad i got my rythm back on the field and im finally used to the new boots....adidas predator....

now just have to keep that rythm going.....fuck tomorow got RT sian

i know myself best. my strengths and weaknesses and i know that i am currently at my most vulnerable. 7 panic attacks in 5 hours. my chest is still aching from that day. this nonsense has to stop. the reason why i used to be so stoic and cold and emotionally stunted was cos i was afraid something like this would happen

alas, shit happens.

i need to make a mental note to remind myself never to 1) be so easily trusting 2) to be so gullible 3) to take things for granted 4) that girls are generally sluts but they choose to live in denial about it, okay maybe only a small number of them are an exception.

as it is, that woman has changed so much. now her life revolves around sucking his white cock and suddenly im nothing to her. so fine, i dont see why i have to continue being like this.

and just when one problem ends, another one has to crop up. fucking CPF deducted 400 from my account which included pufferdog money. So now i need to hunt for 615 bucks to pay the deposit or else i will never get the shirts. how fucking awesome is that. one bullshit after another. I thought shit spells like these only last a week or two, not a whole fucking month.....and i wonder if it will still be like this or continue even longer.

did i like forget to repost some friendster bulletin or email and now im supposed to suffer 10 years of bad luck?

fuck

to quote a line from the movie "identity"....the last part when the killer says "Whores dont deserve a second chance" just before he smashes her face with a hoe. FUCKING BRILLIANT!

FUCK YOU AND ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU PUT ME THRU UNDERSTAND

WHEN THE WHITE FUCK CALLS YOU YOU GO RUNNING TO HIM LIKE HIS LITTLE BITCH. WHEN I ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING SIMPLE U TAKE UR OWN SWEET TIME AND MAKE ME WAIT AND THEN DECIDE TO FORGET IT

PAMELA FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND? FUCK YOU AND ALL THAT YOU STAND FOR. LOVING YOU WAS A FUCKING MISTAKE, AN ACT OF STUPIDITY THAT PUT EVEN VICTIMS OF DARWINISM TO SHAME. TO ME ALL YOU ARE NOW IS AN SPG. AN SPG HUNGRY FOR OLD WHITE COCK WHICH IS FINALLY WHAT YOU ARE GETTING. SO STOP BEING IN DENIAL ABOUT IT.

OH NOT JUST AN SPG BUT ALSO A CUMSLUT WHO THINKS YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD. FINE I GAVE YOU SHIT LAST TIME AND PUT YOU THRU HELL BUT ALL THAT IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT YOU PUT ME THRU AND YOU STILL GOT THE FUCKING CHEEK TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST AND SAY ITS THE SAME MAGNITUDE?

EH HELLO FUCKFACE I DIDNT SLEEP AROUND WHEN WE BROKE UP YOU KNOW....IM NOT THE KIND OF GUY WHO FUCKS ON THE FIRST DATE. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL WHO JUST CANT SEEM TO KEEP HER LEGS SHUT. I AM SO FUCKING STUPID.

FUCK YOU. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY NOW. HAVE FUN WITH YOUR NEW CAUCASIAN BOYFRIEND/DOMINANT WHO IS ALMOST TWICE UR AGE, OLD ENOUGH TO BE UR UNCLE....OH YA BUT U DONT GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE U FUCKED HIM ON THE FIRST DATE. HE IS ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU NOW.

SO FUCK YOU. GOODBYE.

like a scene from some sappy korean drama...mental breakdown, panic attacks, wondering around aimlessly in the rain.

nice seeing her again

ok tonight discuss film storyline with michelle and her friend....

ITS A FUCKED UP YEAR, FILLED WITH FUCKED UP EVENTS FILLED WITH FUCKED UP PEOPLE AND I HAVE FUCKED UP LUCK AND I DONT KNOW WHY THE FUCKED UP DOG IS BARKING FOR NO FUCKED UP REASON.

YES SO THE FUCKING DRIVING TEST..I DID EVERYTHING SMOOTHLY, CLEARED EVERY FUCKING OBSTACLE BUT NOOOO ITS A FUCKED UP YEAR, SOMETHING FUCKED UP HAS TO HAPPEN AND LO AND BEHOLD...THE FUCKING CAR (WHICH WASNT EVEN ON A TEST) HAD TO BRAKE SUDDENLY RIGHT AFTER A BOX JUNCTION WHICH I WAS ALREADY IN....SO FINE BAD ENOUGH I WAS STRANDED INSIDE THE FUCKING JUNCTION THEN THE LIGHT HAPPILY DECIDED TO TURN RED. VOILA....IMMEDIATE FAILURE!!

FUCKING HELL LAST TIME I MAKE MISTAKE I FAIL FINE I DESERVED IT. NOW I DO EVERYTHING PROPERLY AND SOMEONE FUCKS IT UP FOR ME AND I FAIL AGAIN

IM SO FUCKING SICK OF FAILING THINGS AFTER THINGS THIS FUCKING YEAR FUCKING 2008 FASTER END LA CHAO CHEEBAI BEFORE I GO NUTS AND END UP KILLING SOMEBODY.

I THOUGHT PASSING THE TEST WOULD AT LEAST HELP TO CHEER ME UP BUT NOOOOOO IT HAS TO CONTINUE MY FUCKING MISERY..CONTINUE AND CONTINUE EH WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT END LA SERIOUSLY

NOW SUNDAY MUST START GOING FOR REMEDIAL TRAINING AHH FUCK THIS SHIT LA CHAO CHEEBAI

OMG i love Vel...she tell me she send me nice trance song so i accept KNN she sent me 2 whole albums HAHAHAH fucking shiok man


okay so last night i spent the entire night at the macs downstairs with Khai...she was studying for a paper shes doing today and I decided to finally start work on my script... the dialogue is too raw and polished but for first draft's sake..i think Im doing pretty decently so far...not bad now im at scene 18....about 1/4 done....its going faster than i thought. Just need to fine tune it over and over until its finally perfect.

Showed hanz the treatment and he loved it....might KIV him for the lead role but need him to beef up and look more manly...Danial Delgado is actually a character modelled after me. If you can act, think and express yourself like me....you will get the role....lets see how it goes..

I really really really wanna make it happen. This film is my baby.

sian driving test on tuesday i just hope i can finally fucking pass it already. im sick and tired of lessons and lessons and being told what to do.

seems like she has moved on...now i dont see her trying to strike up convos with me and i guess it was all sealed since that last convo. had to lie abt the sm bit to make her feel jealous or something but didnt worki guess. looks like she is finally happy with that paedophile.

fucking sian i need to know more girls.

oh fucking malay wedding downstairs. if u ever want to grow up and become a wedding singer and sing for malay weddings at void decks...please PLEASE PLEASE dont sing out of key and annoy the whole fucking neighbourhood.

woah i finally touched my bass again after a year of no activity and the best part? I STILL HAVE IT!!!

haha i still remember my fretboard, i still know where to place my fingers and came up with some groovy lines. I also managed to play another brick in the wall without even looking at the tabs...and its a pretty simple song just that i played it on D instead.

god i miss those days when davin was staying here....we'd jam from 5am right up to 8am before smoking a stick at the makeshift smoking point outside, throwing a waterbomb or two at the cheena basketball dumbasses below before calling it a night. And we'd jam all sorts of songs, write originals and do our interchangable tapping solos...fucking awesome.

oh well, good things were never meant to last. :)

bla bla blabber blabber bitch bitch

i dont understand why she needs to know her name...its none of her business anymore.

fuck man cant wait to get my life back on track...i know that woman is into sm as well so its gonna be pretty interesting heh.....divorcee....how kinky.

fuck this sounds so wrong in many different levels lol

i really hate the roads at ubi

i think im starting to feel a bit better now but certain things still irk me once in a while. i need to get my mojo back i been procrastinating on amnesia for far too long i need to get started on the dialogues ahh.

and i need to practise bass and write new basslines for pravda. life is so fucking boring its like at a standstill now....but at least i feel the depression slowly disappearing...i hope.

i just try to think positive and i really need to constantly keep busy or else my mind will start slipping away to forbidden territory...yup.

it makes sense now...when she said he hits harder, she probably meant, he fucks harder.

lol hes 12 yrs older than me and fucked a hundred more women than me...obviously hes more seasoned and experienced how to compare. hes better than me in probably every single aspect. oh well at least im only 24. i know that when i reach his age i will be much better than he currently is now and too bad she wont be there to enjoy it. i saved it for her but she wanted to jump the gun. her loss.

and somehow i think half the females in the world only made it cos of their boobs and pussy. if ur a female and u disagree with me, u probably make up the other half.

oh btw....instead of cutting myself again, i decided to do something different. I just hope this symbolises the start of a new life...

funny enough, i looked at the mirror and realised i do actually look a little like nicholas anelka lol

i never felt that much pain in my entire life before. 2 minutes of non stop rubbing i was biting my lips to avoid screaming out..i could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and i remmeber walking out shivering like a junkie and i just felt empty.

i will never forget this feeling for the rest of my life. I thought last week was the lowest point, never knew it could actually get worse than that.

thanks for all that bullshit you put me thru, thanks a lot for hiding ur deep little secret from me until it was too late. i dont know how to forgive and forget something like that but at least i know i deserve much better than that little cumslut.

goodbye.

i FUCKING love this song....the lyrics really apply to how im feeling now....gotta thank d for sending me this song. it makes me feel a bit better everytime i hear it.

http://www.lyricstop.com/d/dryyoureyes-thestreets.html

The reason why i posted a link instead of the lyrics itself is cos when i copied and pasted it..it came out in one big chunk which im too fucking lazy to edit.

i spent like 30 mins sitting around in dhoby ghaut all by myself...alone time is good but argh i hate the feeling of being lonely seriously

its 132pm...just finished driving lesson and waiting for soccer training. i hope im not jinxing it by saying that i got my road confidence back...other than a few sharp turns i pretty much did well.

the shitty feeling is coming back. it comes and goes and its fucking annoying. i disappointed a lot of people with what i did but whats done is done i guess. but i still feel i rather hurt myself than others cos i know im VERY capable of that. i can be a destructive person and i dont want to be that monster again.

its going to be one fucking long hard road again with me trying to achieve whatever the hell i set out to achieve. at least last time i had pam by my side. now shes gone so im all alone. dont know if i can ever do it....gotta wait and see i guess.

its a miracle seriously....

i really really really want it to work out this time....i cannot and will not become a failure in life

im highhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

stella artois tastes just like hoegaarden sialllllll

FUCKING CHEEBAI FIRST YOU SAY U WANNA MEET OKAY FINE I WAIT FOR YOU THEN U TELL ME U HAVE TO CANCEL LAST MIN COS U OVERLOADED WITH SCHOOL WORK OKAY SO FINE I JUST LET IT BE.

THEN NOW U COME AND TELL ME U NOT GOING SCHOOL SO WE CAN MEET ANYTIME. OK FINE I WAKE U UP AT 1 AND U TELL ME TO CALL U AGAIN AT 130. I CALL YOU NON-STOP FOR ONE FUCKING HOUR AND I DONT EVEN GET A RESPONSE. FUCK IS YOUR PHONE ON SILENT OR SOMETHING? 1 FUCKING HOUR EVEN IF U WERE ON SLEEPING PILLS IT WILL STILL WAKE YOU UP.

IF UR FUCKING DOING THIS ON PURPOSE THEN SAY SO INSTEAD OF MAKING ME WASTE MY FUCKING TIME AND ENERGY WAITING AND WAITING AND CALLING OVER AND OVER AGAIN LA CHEEBAI. I FUCKING POSTPONED THE MEETING WITH THE INVESTOR COS I WANTED TO MEET YOU. FUCK YOU LA SERIOUSLY

THIS NEVER HAPPENED LAST TIME NOW SUDDENLY GOT THESE KINDA BULLSHIT HAPPENING SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND.

anne-marie is such a darling. i remember when we first knew each other in 2003 we both had our relationship problems and we helped each other

now, 5 years later we didnt really meet as much but im glad she still took time off her busy schedule to talk to me and help me out of this mess and i really appreciate it. i wish her all the best with her bf

and drinking session was good, but now i have this preconcieved hatred towards all ang mohs and it didnt help there were 2 ang mohs with their asian slut SPG wives behind making so much fucking noise. if not for daryl's dad telling me he knew them, i swear i might have done something

good thing daryl n clifford asked me to walk with them, that relaxed me a little.

im glad i still have friends to help me out of this....i'd be in hell if not for them

ok im still in hell but aiya i dont know la

fuck

nothings gonna change the fact that shes gonna be happily fucking random guys while all i do is sit back and wonder.

fucked up

the battle scars are fucking itchy lol

over means over lahhhhhhhhhh

thanks michelle for the songs....awesome stuff for these ungodly hours

A picture speaks a thousand words..

been close to 7 years since i last did this.......missed the feeling

oh in case u cant count, theres 29 =)

i guess this is it. i have finally reached the lowest point in my life.

i have no job, no financial security, i have no family support. im the black sheep of the family now simply because i can never ahdere to their wants.

i have no money, i cant do whatever i want.

i have a company that doesnt seem to be going anywhere

i am 24 and i have not achieved a single thing in life

lovelife....lets not get there.

i think its time to call it quits. i just cut off the fingernail and deleted her pictures. i think tomorow im going down to the barber to shave my head.....i need to do something drastic. i was toying with the idea of slashing myself but i cant go to a job interview with bloodied hands. yeah im just 7 hours away from it and i cant even sleep. i dont feel sleepy at all. i went down, bought a pack using my savings and smoked 8 in a row. strangely enough although my throat in burning, i do feel a little bit better now...better in the sense that i now actually have the energy to come online.

siv..its over....its all over its time to start afresh its time to wake up its time to throw away the past and embrace the present. this is the reality of life. i have conned myself all this while. my own short sightnedness. now im paying the price of it.

i need alcohol...i really need something....weed would be awesome


seriously.....i need to do something


goodbye.

dont these people have a wife and kid or two back home in their own country?
i see singaporean guys everywhere whining and bitching about how these ang mohs come here and steal our women. i dont understand whats so nice about them seriously.

some of them stink, even worse than banglas, some have bad breath, a lot of them have attitude problems. I still recall the most unsporting teams we played against were all ang moh teams. 3-0 up and they will start belittling the opponents. I have had enough of this bullshit seriously, this whole white power thing is really driving me up the wall. Just because they are sweet talkers does not make them any better than the average asian man. Unless girls just dont want to admit its their dongs that they are really after.

This whole caucasian fever has been pissing me off since i was young and i find it ironic that she, the same person who once told me that she cant take caucasians seriously is actually seriously dating one, almost twice her age.

I sound like a sourpuss yeah sure i am so who the fuck cares. nobody reads this shit anyway. I have made a vow that next year when we play in the equatorial league with about at least 6 ang moh teams in there. I have to at least seriously injure at least one of them from every single team. Childish as it may seem but im a very vengeful person and nothing is gonna stop me.

im sick and tired of these foreign fucks coming into MY country and taking our women. They wanna play this game with us, we will fight back.

oh and i have lost every single ounce of respect for local ASIAN girls who think white is better. You want white? go take a fucking chalk and stick it into your vagina. Respect gone.

fuck you.

ok i dont know what the fuck happened last night. It would have been nice if she just told me she was tired or something so at least i get the hint....she just left without a trace and i started calling and messaging her a million times....so unlike me i dont know whats wrong with me.

ok so interview with zomedia tomorow. at least i know someone in there so it wont be so bad. i guess i have to deal with 3 months of bullshit pay and then hope for the best. whatever it is i need to do something about my life...it seems to be stagnating and this is not good. im already 24 im supposed to be reaching my peak soon. singlehood omg i hate singlehood fuck

okay so i just found out that she is dating some ang moh australian guy who could be almost twice her age. i really dont know whats her affinity with old men, or rather, old ang moh men. But i guess that explains why the other day she got so defensive when i was talking about SPGs and why they are scums.

that aside, i also find out that he is into BDSM as well, so i guess i can just imagine all that sodom and gemorrah hard hitting sex taking place soon. belly and all included.

what i dont understand is, why the hell is she always the one with the upper hand. technically speaking, she has gone 4 up while i'm still stuck with nothing.
whatever....im sick of feeling like a loser day in day out, people my age are achieving things and all i do is whine and achieve nothing. Fuck this

i think i really am going to do it after all. 3 days of no contact at all with the outside world. I need time to rediscover myself and my priorities in life. Even if it means shaving my head bald and cutting off that damn fingernail. I have to do it, sooner or later.

fuck

i just realised i havent updated in exactly a month HAHAHA this is what happens all the time when i attempt to start a blog. First month update like hero then will slowly stop then eventually over time totally forgotten. I have to stop this bad habit.

Other than the fact that i been working like a dog over the script i havent been doing much, which means i havent been earning much, much to the chagrin of my parents.

fuck fuck fuck its not easy making a film but i have to do it....i WILL do it. Im glad there are people out there willing to help me on this and i Mustnt let them down...i MUST NOT let myself down....

TRAILER!!