its 132pm...just finished driving lesson and waiting for soccer training. i hope im not jinxing it by saying that i got my road confidence back...other than a few sharp turns i pretty much did well.

the shitty feeling is coming back. it comes and goes and its fucking annoying. i disappointed a lot of people with what i did but whats done is done i guess. but i still feel i rather hurt myself than others cos i know im VERY capable of that. i can be a destructive person and i dont want to be that monster again.

its going to be one fucking long hard road again with me trying to achieve whatever the hell i set out to achieve. at least last time i had pam by my side. now shes gone so im all alone. dont know if i can ever do it....gotta wait and see i guess.