i know myself best. my strengths and weaknesses and i know that i am currently at my most vulnerable. 7 panic attacks in 5 hours. my chest is still aching from that day. this nonsense has to stop. the reason why i used to be so stoic and cold and emotionally stunted was cos i was afraid something like this would happen

alas, shit happens.

i need to make a mental note to remind myself never to 1) be so easily trusting 2) to be so gullible 3) to take things for granted 4) that girls are generally sluts but they choose to live in denial about it, okay maybe only a small number of them are an exception.

as it is, that woman has changed so much. now her life revolves around sucking his white cock and suddenly im nothing to her. so fine, i dont see why i have to continue being like this.

and just when one problem ends, another one has to crop up. fucking CPF deducted 400 from my account which included pufferdog money. So now i need to hunt for 615 bucks to pay the deposit or else i will never get the shirts. how fucking awesome is that. one bullshit after another. I thought shit spells like these only last a week or two, not a whole fucking month.....and i wonder if it will still be like this or continue even longer.

did i like forget to repost some friendster bulletin or email and now im supposed to suffer 10 years of bad luck?

fuck

to quote a line from the movie "identity"....the last part when the killer says "Whores dont deserve a second chance" just before he smashes her face with a hoe. FUCKING BRILLIANT!