So what happens now?
Where do we go from here?

Tomorrow is the premiere of the 4 diploma films together with the 6 thesis films that got their avant premiere last night which I conveniently chose not to attend.

Loyalty is a film I really hate, everything from the process to the actual film itself. I'm probably only proud of the soundtrack I created under the moniker "EssaiveE".

I wonder what the reaction will be like to a slightly more neutral and uninformed audience. I mean obviously film students will be able to spot all the glaring errors present throughout the film but if you look beyond the technical incompetence, I wonder if there is anything worth watching. Did I do my job as a director and direct the actors well? Did I manage to get them to deliver a good performance? Did my non-linear idea work? Are the risks I took worth it? After all, I've never come across any graduating films from LASALLE that included a crucial scene AFTER the ending credits. I got blasted by the lecturers for that move, some calling it a Hollywood gimmick, some calling it a waste. As far as I see, this is my way of saying "Fuck you" to the school. After all, the ORIGINAL story ended at the scene prior to the ending credits. That's the original pitch by the cuntface writer anyway. But my input to add the extra scene took me a lot of time and energy, fighting and justifying its existance. So of course I have every right to choose where I wanna place that scene.

Its a simple logic. If you were to watch the film as it was originally done and the last scene comes on prior to the ending credits,the audience will certainly go WTF? Because it's so disjointed. So retardedly disjointed and unbelievable. That's why I took it upon myself to have an extra setup "the Jimmy Kong character" and then throw in the payoff via a 2nd twist after the ending credits. It was my work, it was my effort, it was all my arguments that showed in that last scene. I even edited that portion myself.

Test screenings among other film students went quite predictably. They spent most of the time pointing out the technical errors which I am very well aware of. But more importantly, they actually liked the extra scene. Not only because it gave the film and story an extra dimension, but it gave a sense of balance. The original story painted the male lead as a prick and the female as a submissive loser. The new format paints the guy as an oblivious prick and the female as a scheming prick. Which is a better balance?

Tomorrow onwards, I will get first-hand reviews of this film which I am totally not proud of, yet have to face the fact that I was director. I hold responsibility for what you see and hear on the screen during that 10 minutes. It was a hard and painful journey. I went to hell and back. I endured sleepless nights, panic attacks, anger management issues, health issues, financial issues, lost people who were once friends. Of course I made new friends as well. But I did all that for the film. Whether it flops or succeeds is now beyond me. All I know is, I have to learn from this and move on. I may have been victimized and thrown into a huge pit, but I have to learn to get out of it.

It's time to show the World what I'm really capable of, I just need that opportunity. I can't let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's success.

Hope you enjoy the film if you do get to watch it.


On an unrelated note, its been a refreshing couple of weeks. However I need to get back to work next week. Establishing my new collective, getting the essential paperwork done and of course, do the Icelandic project. I am seeking happiness and I know its not unattainable, but I have to work for it.

However, disappointments and expectations will be the death of me.